|I was manufactured somewhere in the
Orient, cuz I remember seeing a lot of Oriental people working in the
hound dog factory and none of them could talk English, so I don't zactly
know how they knew what they was each other talking about. I couldn't
talk English either, but I knew what was going on anyhow.
My aktual birthday was in August of 1988. I guess
folks call that my "Cash Register Birthday," cuz I was really
manufactured earlier than that and I spent a while in the warehouse back
home in the Orient, then a trip in a wood crate on a boat then a
airplane trip to a store in Salt Lake City, Utah. It was reely
humiliating cuz they put me in the baby department of a large department
store. I got stuck there for a long time cuz I was a little bit pink and
some people thought I looked like a sissy. Also, I din't have any
clothes when I got out of the store.
This pitcher on the right shows me with my cool
super hero outfit. You can't see my cape reel good, but it hangs down
behind. I have my gun tucked in behind my belt so it's always ready. You
can sort of see my Rambo
Rope just under my ears.
Anyway, after getting out of the store the first
thing I did was to throw out the receipt so nobody could take me back in
case things din't work out, but because I knew how to be cool pretty
soon everybuddy took to me so I din't have to run away from my new home.
I'm not sure where they got my name, but I think
we drove past a old cowboy pickup truck going down the road and it was
squirting sparks out from underneath cuz the muffler was dragging on the
street and everytime it hit a bump a big shower of sparks shot out. It
was hitting a lot of bumps cuz the guy was driving with the tires on the
right side off on the dirt on the side of the street, so he musta been
still learning how to drive.
Anyhow, I met some other friends on the trip to my
new home. There was 4 other hounds in the van, and the boss was named
"Hiram," but I started calling him "The Old Feller"
cuz he was so old, and he din't seem to mind. They liked to hear my
stories of life in that department store.
I musta been reel adventurous cuz nobody else of
my new family used to sneak out after the stores closed and get into
things. Like, frinstance, the taco store threw away some of the left
over tacos, so me and some of the other fellers used to go and help
ourselves. Then we went and helped ourselves to candy things that fell
on the floor in the candy store, and I even invented a way to climb up
on the soda machine and pull the handle and get a mouth full of all
different kinds of soda and iced tea and all kinds of other reel cool
things to drink. We used to get reel bad tummy aches sometimes, but the
medicine store had a reel door that we couldn't get through, so we jest
had to be sick all night.
Hiram, the old feller, was only in his store for jest a
few minutes until he got bought, so he was really iggerant about life in
a reel mall. The other feller, "Leroy," was in a store that had
a glass door that they locked at night, so he was stuck in that store, so he
din't learn much, too. Another feller, named "Louie," came
from a mall store in St. Louis, and he was too fat to squeeze through
the bars on the door, so he was also stuck and couldn't get out and
check out the mall. He said it was reely tough cuz there was a chocolate
fudge store nearby, and he could small the fudge, but he never could get
any. The fourth guy was named "Darrell," and he had used to be
a cat, but since he was so surrounded by dogs, they quickly changed his
"Cattitude" into a "Attitude," then they taught him
to get into a good mood once in a while, so he was okay even though he
din't zaktly like seeing me, another dog, joining the family.
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by Sparky WWW Meagher
Since this website is turning out
so perfessional looking and all, I have decided to contact the cops or
whoever I need to so I can get aholt of my own middle name, cuz I din't
never have one yet. As you can see above, the name I have chosen is WWW.
The difference I decided to do was
to not use no dots after the letters, cuz they look like periods that
they use at the end of a sentence. I don't like no periods in my name
cuz they could be mistaken for bullet holes, like somebuddy was against
me using those letters for my middle name.
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While I'm not zaktly a cook, I do
have some very tasty recipes that make reel good food that a lot of my
friends also like, too.
Take 2 slices of bread, or make
some toast, or get a hamburger or hotdog bun, or a sliced Bagel, or
donut, or Cheese Danish, or Tortillas, or whatever else will work like a
slice of bread and put the items on a clean table or spot on the floor.
(Not the rug, though, cuz you'll get lint bunnies all over it). Get a
big pawful of pretzels, preferably your favorite kind, but other kinds
will also work.
If you have condiments like banana
slices, grapes, raisins, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, honey, or ice
cream, don't waste your time fooling around with no pretzel sandwich,
jest dig in and leave the bread slices for somebody else.
If you have other condiments or
accessories like pickles, lettuce, termaters, mustard, relish, ketchup,
etc., and you like any of them, then put a bunch on the two pieces of
bread or whatever you're using. After you get them condiments
arranged the way you like them, then get your pretzels and stack them on
the slices of bread covered with condiments the best way you like them
to be stacked. Then get the other piece of bread and flip it over on top
of the pile of pretzels. Anything that falls out, jest you ken kick it
under something close by, like a table or chair or something, or if you
have a cat in the house, make it look like he made the mess.
Now your pretzel sandwich is ready
to eat with your favorite beverage, and I think it goes reel good with
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Chocolate Chip Cookie
1 Regular size salad bowl
Some Salad Dressing (The same as everybuddy else is having)
Some big dried bread crumbs
A salad fork
A big bag of chocolate chip cookies
A big glass of chocolate milk
Take the salad bowl and put in
some salad and dressing. Smear it all around with the fork so the
dressing is all over the bowl. Run to the window and mention that
there's probably gonna be a big cat fight out there pretty soon. When
everybuddy else runs there to look, dump out the salad where nobuddy
will find it, even in somebuddy else's bowl if possible.
When everybuddy comes back to the
table, push your empty bowl away, rub your mouth with a napkin and make
a little burp while reaching for the chocolate chip cookies. If anybuddy
says anything, tell them the salad filled you up, but you saved jest
enough room for 11 or 9 of them cookies and start eating. Chocolate milk
washes them down reel good!
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