Leroy & Spinnaker
known throughout the house as one who enjoys coming up with new
inventions and new uses for older inventions.
Sparky got a reel cool book for
Christmas. Its title is "How
Stuff Works." This
exciting book should help Sparky in his constant quest for developing
For those of you who are also interested in such
things, click below for more information:
have a great 30-year-old car or truck, but it sometimes lets you
Here’s a quick and easy solution!
How many times
have you been stuck in the mud somewhere with a set of Jumper
cables, but no chain? Or, even worse, with a dead battery but
only a tow chain?
Now that problem
has been solved with my recent invention of "Sparky’s
By combining both
a set of heavy duty jumper cables and a heavy duty towing chain
in one product, both problems are quickly solved! Plus, there is
a roll of lecktrishickal tape hanging from near the end in case
you need to tape up those pesky wires that always have a way of
ending up dragging along the street and wearing through the
I decided that it
is a lot of trubble to get the raw ingredients (chains and
jumper cables), so I'll jest tell you about the plans and you
ken make your own set of "Sparky's
Junker Cables," and save a bunch of money that
it would cost you for the postage to have me send you my
Click on the
picture above for more details, then after you manufacture you
own set of "Sparky's Junker
Cables," you ken then send
me a bunch of cash in the amount of 25 cents to help pay for all
the research and development it took to invent this incredible
ken jest E-Mail me by clicking here
to get my address so you ken send me the cash.
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New Playing Cards
I have seen a lot of old
cowboy movies where somebuddy gets caught cheating at cards, and then
there is a shoot-out or a reel big saloon fight where everything gets
busted up and the saloon is out of business fer a couple of days, and
everybuddy doesn't have nowhere to go, so they might hang around on the
side of the street and get hit by a runaway horse or get into other
kinds of trubble.
Fer that reason I
recently invented a new invention in playing cards.
As you ken see in the picture at right, my new cards don't have no marks
or other printing on either side. That way you don't never need to
shuffle them, which is reel hard when you don't have no thumbs
or fingers, like all of us guys.
It also cuts down or
completely eliminates cheating, cuz since all the cards are zacktly the
same, it doesn't matter which ones you get when somebuddy deals them to
When we play cards around
here, to simplify things and not have to remember a lot of complicated
rules, we jest take turns winning each hand. We normally go from
left to right. In this picture, the guy on my right wins the first
hand, then the guy to his right wins the next hand, and so on.
Then when it gets to the end of the line, we all get up and trade places
so it ken still go from left to right. That also gives us a chance
to stretch our legs and go see if anybuddy brought home any root beer
and chocolate chip cookies yet.
Then at the end of the
time when we're playing cards, we ken then jest toss a coin to find out
who was the final winner of the day.
See how simple this is?
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Recent research has
revealed that many people are in danger of inhaling coffee vapors that
often contain a lot of caffeine. This is known to the
medical profession as "Second Hand Caffeine."
Some people are trying to
get restaurants to set aside a "Non Caffeine Section" for
those of us who don't want to suffer the effects of inhaling "Second
Hand Caffeine." Certain individuals suffer Caffeine
withdrawal headaches, and if they breathe in caffeine fumes, they can
unknowingly suffer from withdrawal the following day, even though they
didn't drink any caffeinated coffee!
This is a potentially
serious health problem and should not be taken lightly. Contact
your health professional if you believe you are at risk!
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Many of you have one of
those desktop staplers that has the little staple
leg bending thingy that you ken change from one way to the other
way. Many people have asked me what that is used fer, so I did a
lot of research and here is the answer. (If you click on the
picture, it'll make it reel big so you ken see the 2 different kinds of
staples this stapler ken make fer you). Remember...if you click
on the picture reel fast it'll make it get bigger reel fast, and if you
click on it reel hard it'll make it even bigger!
There was this guy named Jim-Bob Bostitch,
who was the bosses's son, and he was in charge of development of the
world famous Bostitch Stapler, and he made the thingy that bends the
bottom of the staple, but he put in the smoosher thing backwards in the
stamping machine that makes those staple leg bender thing grooves.
Since he was the bossess'es's son,
nobuddy wanted 2 say nothing so everybuddy clapped and whistled and
barked and drank a lot of root beer and chocolate milk and
celebrated the final invention that would make the stapler something
that the whole world was waiting 4. Be4 that everybuddy had to
turn over the paper that they stapled and hammer over those stapler
legs, and it was a reel problem.
After a while some people decided that
there was a better way to bend in those legs, and that was to make a
exter set of those staple leg bending grooves that went the other way,
and another team of experts developed such a device. Since nobuddy
wanted to make Jim-Bob Bostitch mad or get the old man mad at them, they
jest put them into that plate on the bottom and made it so it could
swivel around, and told Jim-Bob that was to make it balance better when
the machine stamped out those little plates. Then they sent out
all of them with the plate installed so the staple legs turned in like
they do even in 4th, 5th, and even 6th World countries.
Then everybuddy pertended like nobuddy
knew anything about nothing, so Jim-Bob could get on to some more
inventing, like putting a little bend in2 the top of those strips of
staples, and he even gave it a special name, "B2", which used
the "B" from his name.
It's sort of like the story of "The
Emperor's New Clothes."
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Another recent project involves the harnessing of
electricity from electrical tape. If there was no electricity within the
rolls of tape, then they wouldn't be likely to call it "Electrical
Tape." Using common household articles, he is exploring all avenues
of approach in his quest to learn how he can utilize the latent
electricity that will just go to waste sitting in that roll of tape, and
feed it into the dead batteries that will be used to power his Acme
Of course, there are those who scoff, as there are
for virtually any endeavor. F'rinstance there are people who said that
Mack McJones was an idiot. In that particular case they turned out to be
correct, but in Sparky's case he will ultimately prove them to be wrong.
A previous invention that has yet to prove its
usefulness is the adapter that permits one to simply plug one end of the
cord into an ordinary wall socket and the other end quickly hooks up to
any air-powered tool, providing instant air and eliminating noises
normally associated with an ordinary air compressor. Initial tests
caused the circuit breaker to blow up and plunge the basement workshop
into immediate darkness.
After replacing the burned up circuit breaker a
follow-up test caused sparks to shoot out of the wall socket as the
device was being plugged in. After careful examination of the device it
was learned that the wrong size of wire was used for the prototype
device. A future model will soon be tested using much larger wire.
Another possibility being explored is that it is believed that by
introducing air into the air hose end, it will probably be possible to
turn the air back into electricity!!
Sparky is also working on a complete line of
simplified power tools. First in the expandible line is an Electric
Hamber, which plugs into any wall socket and makes short work out of any
building job around the house. Plans also call for an adapter to enable
you to plug it into a roll of electric tape if you're way out in the
yard and don't want to bother with an extenshun cord.
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by Sparky Meagher
The development of a usable Square
Circle will have a profound impact on virtually all areas of
industry as well as the personal sector. This will minimize inventory
levels in many instances, thus freeing up space and money in certain
cases. Another area of development is the eventual development of an
oval rectangle or rectangular oval.
As can be seen in the illustration above, the
perfect square is on the left. This turns out to be the best shape for
storage, leaving no empty space as in the example of the circle, center.
On the other hand, a circle is the most efficient shape for anything
that must roll, such as a wheel. By combining the best features of both
shapes, I am developing the "Squircle."
The advantages of the "Squircle"
are many. For example, Squircular eggs, oranges and grapefruit won't
be inclined to roll off the table.
A squircular shaped wheel might at first seem to
be of little or no use, but just consider how many times that grocery
cart took off down the hill as you were opening your trunk. If it banged
into another car, you know it left a dent, not to mention possibly
damaging some of the tater chips or boxes of crackers in the cart. On
your car, at first you might be inclined to believe that it would ride
too rough, but remember that you would no longer need to use your
emergency brake in all but the steepest of parking lots. The gear called
"Park" could be eliminated from all automatic transmissions,
thus saving some amount of money and eliminating some additional parts
that would be subject to damage during the lifetime of the car.
Also remember that your car would not be
inclined to start rolling when stopped at a traffic light. Wheel
balancing and rotating would be eliminated because the slight perceived
vibration would be consistent and would become unnoticeable after the
initial time span required to get used to the new concept.
As with any new invention, there are bound to be
those who would scoff at the idea. For instance, somebody already asked
about square apples. These were initially grown in a small apple orchard
in southern Arizona in 1934. By putting a small square box around the
growing apple, it easily grew into a perfect square, eliminating the
problem with it falling off the tree and rolling away or becoming
bruised. Those of you who understand the basic laws of physics will
realize that 27% more apples fit into a given space inside a rectangular
wooden box that is typically used to ship apples to market. This adds up
to an immense savings in boxes required to ship the fruit. Add to that
the larger surface area imposed by flat surfaces upon each other and it
is quickly seen that damaged fruit caused by the round arcs resting upon
each other cause pressure points that can result in bruises in that
Square nails were used to build George
Washington's house, and other than the house getting burned down a long
time ago, the nails did just fine. Also remember that most houses 'cept
Indian tents are either square or rectangular cuz round buildings are
reel hard to make cuz you can't buy no round lumber. If trees was square
you wouldn't get no 2x4 boards with bark still on the corners.
Square screwdrivers have been used for a long time
so a feller can put a wrench on the square part of it and make the screw
could be easily made. There's no reel reason that they make them round 'cept
that's what they always did, and they could also eliminate the hole in
the middle while they're at it. I seen Cheese
Danish pastries that are almost square, and they are reel good,
As with any new technology, there are still a
bunch of hurdles to overcome, many due to tradition and public
suspicion, but in the end common sense will prevail and we will all be
seeing more and more "Squircular" products of every
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Never does a day go by where you
won't see somebody working up a sweat using an old fashioned hammer to
build things, to fix things, or even to tear down an old building.
This is an extremely inefficient
method used since the days of the dinosauers by the cavemen. They din't
really have a nice shiny hammer like we have today, but in a pinch they
used a rock fastened to a stick. They never had any nails either, so
they musta used that stone hammer to whack things on the head that they
was gonna cook and eat. And also to hammer sticks into the ground to
make something that required them to hammer a stick into the ground.
Anyway, the other thing that
happens to carpenters and others who use a hammer a lot is that they get
something called "Hammer Elbow." The doctors call it
"Tunnel Syndrome" or something like that, probably cuz those
old miners who dug tunnels used a hammer and chisel a lot and their
elbows always got whacked out after a long time of hammering on that
chisel. Another name sometimes is "Burr Sitis," cuz them
tunnels and also mines are reel cold and when your elbow gets sore and
you sit down you quickly cool off and get cold, and somebuddy pretty
soon says, "Burr."
Another name is Carpal Tunnel,
named cuz when they was chiseling the rocks out to build the train
tunnel in the Carpel Mountains in Switzerland, a lot of the guys got
sore bones also. Switzerland is also where they invented that Rat Cheeze
that has holes in it most of the time, cuz they must have a lot of rats
there that get into the cheeze factory. In Switzerland they call it
"Swiss Cheeze." Everybuddy in Switzerland knows the rats was
nibbling on it, so they send it to us in America. Also that's what
happens when bad guys shoot up some other bad guy's old black car...when
the cops find it they say, "His car was all shot up like Swiss
To solve this problem I am
developing a light weight electric hammer. Older models have been around
for quite a while, but they use a motor and lots of gears and spinning
things and are reel heavy, so the illustration above shows what has been
called "Utter Simplicity" by those who have seen it. (The
picture, that is, making a reel hammer is a ways off, due to a lot of
other projects that must come first, and also the reel one will have a
reel long electric wire so a feller can take it out in the yard. A
battery model might also be possible).
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The pitcher on the right shows you how I
discovered how to make the printer run faster by pulling on the paper. I
saw somebuddy in a restaurant doing that to the Master Card machine and
it sure seemed to work real good so I tried it and it really works. I
should have known, because it works on the same principle cowboys use
with their guns—when you pull the trigger faster it makes the bullets
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by Sparky Meagher
The logo at right will appear on
the new stores I plan on opening as soon as financing can be completed
and patents are granted on an international basis. (Click on photo for
The plan is quite simple.
Everybuddy likes donuts, but there are those who will always spread the
rumor that they're not too healthy for some people, and there is also an
ugly rumor about donuts being fattening for certain individuals.
Donuts-R-Us Stores will provide
healthy donuts for everybuddy, regardless of their personal health. Our
in-store Doctor will quickly write you a prescription for all the
medicine you are taking, plus vitamins, minerals, supplements, and
anything else you might need, then we will mush them up into the donut
dough and quickly fry you up a batch of donuts custom tailored to your
particular health needs.
The more of our donuts you
eat, the healthier you will be!!
These stores will be located in
convenient locations and will be open every morning from 9:00 a.m. until
11:00 p.m., seven days a week.
Other items will
include Prescription Coffee, and Prescription Bagels for the more health
conscious people. Watch fer them coming soon.
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There was a reel good movie on TV
the other day and the folks was having waffles for dinner. Us guys got
so hungry for waffles jest watching that movie that I decided to see if
we had some of that waffle making powder that comes in a big box. I
found an almost full box of Pancake and Waffle Mix in the food closet,
so we decided to have some waffles fer lunch.
Sniffy and Leroy got out the
cooking thing that goes on top of the stove while me and Spinnaker
carefully read the instructions and mixed up some of that powder with
other ingredients to make that waffle stuff. After carefully mixing it
till all of the lumps was gone and it looked reel smooth, it said to
pour some of the mixture on the lektrik waffle cooker. We din't have no
special waffle cooker so we jest dumped some of that mixture on the
cooking thing on top of the stove.
The first ones got reel burned so
we threw them out. Then it said somewhere on the box that if you're
making pancakes, you need to cook them on the bottom first, then turn
them over and let them also cook on the top till they're all cooked reel
good. We din't want no pancakes, but we decided to try the same thing to
make them waffles.
We cooked a bunch of them on the
bottom first, then turned them over, but no matter how hard we tried
them things jest kept turning into pancakes instead of waffles. We even
tried to figger out how we could cook the top first jest to see if that
would make a difference, but we never did figger that out, so we ended
up having to eat pancakes instead of waffles.
Then about a week later we tried
it again, and the zakt same thing happened, even though we mixed the
recipe different. That's when somebuddy mentioned that that might have
been Acme Waffle Powder, and everybuddy knows that everything that Acme
makes seems to cause trubble fer the end user. It din't say Acme on the
box, but we think that they're changing their name cuz of all the
trubble they have caused over the years.
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